


Best Thing About Tonight is We're Not Fighting

by KelliDiane



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: i just needed to get my feelings out, it's just a friendship story, no actual romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-29
Updated: 2015-04-04
Packaged: 2018-03-20 06:57:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3640974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KelliDiane/pseuds/KelliDiane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just a quick drabble about Louis finding out about Zayn leaving the band.</p><p>Warnings: panic attacks and subtle mentions of suicide</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“You okay? You feeling any better?” Louis asks with a small smile as he stares at the computer screen. It’s been five days since Zayn had flown home and left the other four boys to do all the work on stage. Zayn has been calling almost every night. Well, he might have called every night- Louis went out last Saturday after the news about him and Eleanor broke. It still hurts even though it had been a few weeks.

The face on the screen smiled back at him and nodded. “Yeah, Lou. I’m doing just fine.”

Liam, Harry, and Niall walk in and quickly join Louis on the couch so they can all talk together. They stay and talk about stupid things (“I definitely think Zayn would have made a better Hawkeye in the Avengers movie!” “Louis, that’s ridiculous! I would have been the better Hawkeye!” “Louis could have been Natasha!”) and feels like they’re all home.

It’s after his fourth bottle of water that Louis can’t take the incessant pressure on his bladder anymore. “Alright, alright, alright. Let an old man up. Gotta take a piss, mate. I’ll be back.”

Once he’s gone, the four smiles drop and they all look nervously at each other.

The feed of Zayn clears his throat and looks down at his hands. “You guys haven’t told him yet.” It’s not a question. “I saw yesterday that he was out on Saturday and told someone that One Direction was going to come back- with me. Guys, you have to tell him tonight. The statement drops in the morning.”

Liam is the first to actually look at their friend. “We can’t. He’s going through the break up with Eleanor. We can’t just drop that on him. That would probably kill him. You’re his best mate, Zayn. We all say we’re close like brothers and we love each other and everything- but you two were closest out of all of us. You two had an understanding of each other that the three of us don’t get. Maybe it’s because you both grew up in the same part of England and went through similar times- we don’t know. We do know that you are the only one who he’ll take this news from.”

“Guys, it’s not that-”

The door swings open and Louis’ laughter is heard. “Guys, you’ve got to see what Josh is trying to do. He thinks he can- Why is everyone staring at me like the Queen died or something?”

It’s true. The three boys in the room are looking at him with frowns and pain in their eyes.

Liam stands and the other two follow suit. He clears his throat, “I think you two need to have a talk. We’ll be in my room if you want to talk, Lou.”

They all leave and Louis is even more confused. “Zayn?”

The pixelated image before him sighs. “Louis… We need to talk, babe.”

Louis nods slowly and makes his way to the couch once more. He thinks back to the beginning of their conversation. “You okay? You said you were feeling better. You weren’t lying were you?”

Zayn fiercely shakes his head. “No, no, no. I am feeling better. Almost completely better actually. My stress level is so low, Lou, I feel like I could fly. But… There’s a reason I’m doing a lot better.” He sighs as he looks at the confusion written all over his best friend’s face. “Louis, I bought out my contract with management. Tomorrow at five thirty London time, I’ll no longer be in One Direction. Louis, I left the band.”

The Doncaster lad blinks a few times. He doesn’t know what to say or think or feel. He’s not sure he believes it, but why would Zayn say that unless it was true? It was a cruel joke- too cruel for Zayn. That could only mean he was being truthful. Everything running through his mind was contradicting itself. He doesn’t know what to believe right now.

“Louis? Lou, come on. Say something, please.” Zayn says softly as he watches the boy’s face. He’s seen so many emotions flickering across the sharp features that he not sure how Louis actually feels just yet.

“I have to go, Zayn. We have a concert in a few hours so we have to go do soundcheck. You know the drill.” Louis says quietly. “Say hi to Perrie for me.”

“Louis, wait-”

The older male cuts the video connection and stay there staring at a darkened screen. He’s so lost and confused. Normally, he’d call Eleanor up and talk to her about this, but she’s gone. His next line of venting was Zayn, but… He’s so lost and confused and he can feel his breathing start to become increasingly more desperate.

He looks at his hands. He sees them shaking, but he can’t feel them. He can’t feel much of anything. It’s like he’s not even there. The entire room seems off, like he’s in a dream that he doesn’t know how to escape. His heart rate skyrockets, he can feel that. It’s the only thing he can feel aside from the sudden pain flaring throughout his chest.

He doesn’t know how long he stays there. Must have been at least an hour though and he’s somehow managed to get himself mostly situated. His chest still feel tight and like someone is stabbing him, but it’s doable, he can work through that pain.

A knock on his door alerts him to the outside world. “Louis? We got to go. Got to head over to the stadium.”

He sighs and puts on his biggest smile and schools his face into a normal ‘Louis’ expression. “Come on then. Can’t keep people waiting.”

************  
The news breaks the next day.

Liam, Niall, and Harry are all upset- clinging to one another and trying to find comfort in a trying time for them. Louis just shrugs and carries on. He says he’s happy for his friend and that he commends Zayn for putting himself first after five years of everyone else being the boy’s concern. The entire crew seems more sad about the departure than he himself does.

He seems to trick everyone- his three brothers included. Everyone thinks he’s genuinely happy for Zayn and in a way he is.

He isn’t lying when he says that he’s proud of Zayn for finally admitting that he needs time for himself. He’s extremely grateful that Zayn knew it was time to go before he turned to something worse than the occasional joint. He’s happy that Zayn left before Louis has a chance to find him broken and unable to be revived. He’s glad that his friend knew that his mental health was the most important thing.

But he’s also angry. He feels betrayed, let down, abandoned. He feels uncontrollable hatred for his best friend and that’s the last thing he wants.

Louis knows there will be a day when he can confront Zayn without the anger and the pain. He wants that day to be today, but even the thought of talking to him- texting, calling, skyping, anything- feel him with the need to yell and scream.

When he starts to ask for hotel rooms far away from the other three, it isn’t because of a fight like the tabloids immediately assume. It’s because he doesn’t want them to hear the screams and sobs and uncontrollable pain he goes through every night knowing that he can’t do this without Zayn for much longer.

He wonders if he can be strong like Zayn or if the anger and depression will win out in the end.


	2. Chapter 2

“Thank you, Dubai! You’ve been absolutely amazing!” Louis shouts into the mic as the four of them take a bow.

Soon enough it's a blur of people and rooms and voices as they’re whisked backstage and out to the awaiting vans. He doesn’t fully comprehend everything going on around him, but he’s aware enough to know that Liam and Niall are trying to talk to him.

“You want to come out tonight, Tommo? We were thinking about making a night out to remember this place?” Niall say with a bright smile.

“I’m good. I’m going to head back to the hotel and pack up. Our flight leaves early tomorrow and I’d rather not be wasted on that plane ride.” He laughs and tries to sound as convincing as he can manage.

Liam frowns. “You sure, mate? You haven’t really gone out since the whole Zayn thing. You sure you’re doing alright?”

Louis huffs. “I’m doing just fine, dad.” He doesn’t mean to come across as rude since he knows that Liam is just worried about him, but if he says he doesn’t want to go he doesn’t want to. “Besides I’m on an earlier flight than the rest of you.”

“What? I thought we all agreed that we needed to fly together. They need to know that we aren’t falling apart.” Harry says with a small bit of confusion in his eyes. 

“The fans-”

“The fans aren’t important right now! It’s my time off and I’ll deal with it any way I want!” Louis snaps as the vans come to a halt outside their hotel. He’s quickly throwing the door open and stomping out and to the lift to take him to his room.

He’s on the eighth floor of his hotel- unlike the other three who were on the tenth floor. No one he knows is staying near him accept for one bodyguard. He can’t handle it right now. His chest is on fire, like someone is trying to claw him open from the inside. He closes his eyes once he’s in the dark hotel room and slumps against the wall. He knows he’ll have to apologise and he will.

It’s been a week and a half since Zayn’s announcement and Louis has avoided talking about it at all cost. He’s had more panic attacks in that short amount of time than he’s had in his whole life. He’s woken up screaming almost every night since and it’s embarrassing to curl against your bodyguard and cry into their chest every night when he’s the only one who comes to check on you. 

Louis can feel his chest start to tighten and he quickly makes his way to the balcony and hurries outside. The cool wind against his suddenly flushed body feels amazing and he looks up at the stars. He wonders of a certain ex-friend of his can see the stars yet. He wonders if Zayn has been having as much trouble transitioning into his new life as Louis has trying to get used to him being gone.

He looks down and can see the three boys all standing outside, signing things and taking pictures as they wait for their car. He can’t even bring himself to shout anything at them because he’s just so done. A fan must spot him though because the screaming increases and everyone is suddenly looking up at his balcony. He gives a half hearted wave before returning to the darkness of his hotel room.

He turns the television on for background noise and a small bit of light before starting to pack. All of his bags had been brought to his room and he wonders why he thought five bags of clothes was necessary for two months when he wore the same shorts and hoodie nearly everyday. He was also confused as to why he had so many clothes that weren’t his. Separating the articles of clothing out into his and not-his he managed to condense everything down to a bag and a half. Seeing that he had to be up in only a few hours for his flight, he decided to shove everyone else's stuff in the remaining three bags and get some sleep.

The problem was that he hadn’t slept peacefully since that skype call. Knowing that he would probably be awakened by his screams soon enough, Louis took some sleeping medication and climbed into bed.

************

“What do you think is up with Tommo? He’s never been this combative before.” Liam says as they make their way back to the hotel late at night. None of them had wanted to get particularly smashed so they were all just a bit buzzed, but it was a calming feeling over them.  


Niall shrugged. “You think he’s going to leave too?”

“Louis wouldn’t do that. Not after everything he’s said about being strong and better as four. He’s many things, but a liar isn’t one of them.” Liam scolded the blond.

“But, you have to notice that he’s getting farther away from us. He’s not even on the same floor of the hotel any more.” Harry says softly. He’s worried about his friend. He’s never seen Louis this withdrawn and sullen.

“If you really want to know,” Paddy interjects from the passenger seat, “he moved because he doesn’t want you to hear him at night. He’s been having panic attacks and nightmares since Zayn told him. He wakes up screaming and such. Alberto’s worried he’s cracking.”

Harry frowns. “Why didn’t he say anything? He knows we’d be there for him.”

“Zayn was his best mate. We can’t expect that Louis is just going to come running to us now. That’s not how Lou works.” Liam says sadly as he thinks about Louis all alone, crying because he’s lost without his partner in crime.

They pull up to the hotel and scramble into the back lift before anyone notices their return. “What floor is Tommo on?”

“Eight,” Paddy says as he pushes the button for that floor.

The ride up is quiet and the ding pierces the silence before the doors open. Screams are what meet them- fear inducing, spine shivering screams. They all freeze as they step outside the lift and take in the damage with their own eyes.

There in the hallway is Alberto, holding what can only be a hysterical Louis. There are tears pouring down the twenty three year old's face and his screams of pain and fury are bouncing off the walls making if echo horribly. His breathing is loud and harsh. His nails are digging into his guard’s arm and there is little rivulets of blood coming from the bigger man's skin where are nails are piercing the skin.

His eyes though are the most terrifying thing. They’re rimmed red and seem glazed over. They’re darting around the hall searching for something that they can’t seem to find. It’s like they aren’t taking anything in, just always searching.

“Louis, it’s okay. Calm down. It’s going to be okay. I need you to breathe for me. Please, Louis. Just please calm down. I can’t help until you calm down.” Alberto’s voice is strong and yet soothing. It’s not angry or scolding, just pleading.

Louis tries his best and finally is able to bring himself under control. It’s always a struggle and he hates that Alberto has to put up with this night after night. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I can’t do this anymore. I just can’t.” He buries his face into the black shirt in front of him and sobs uncontrollably.

The other three stand just outside the elevator and look on in fear. It isn’t until Paddy herds them back into the lift that they break down in tears. Louis was the glue that held them together for the past week and a half. They didn’t even notice the cracks in his facade.


End file.
